Sometimes things can get turned around.
I went into my garden one day last summer to take a little break. My plan was to just enjoy the beauty and seek a midday recalibration, but I was distracted by the weeds. The summer’s heat had discouraged me from weeding, and they were everywhere!!
The following Saturday morning it was cloudy and cooler, so I went out to pull up those weeds. Only I was distracted by the beauty. That day, the colors, the textures, and the light captured my attention, so I wasn’t concerned about the weeds.
My perspective can fluctuate and it seems there’s no apparent reason.
Does this happen to you?
Neither perspective was necessarily off, just different. Both were profitable in their own way and both something to engage with, or more specifically to referee, in hopes of attaining the goal of a sweet place of respite.
I’m thinking this is true of something else I’ve had on my mind lately. It’s in regard to my last post where I shared a favorite quote by A. W. Tozer:
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
This quote prompts me to ask, “What does come to mind when I’m thinking of You, Lord?” It rallies me, drawing me back to truth. It helps me review the truth of Him, to realign. It can lead me to praise or to a time of confession.
On the other hand, however, I found I wanted to put a different twist on Tozer’s quote, another perspective I wanted to express.
What comes to God’s mind when He thinks about us is the most important thing about us.
At first, I thought these two perspectives were opposites. But after further consideration, I realize they are closely related, all bound up in one another really. Here’s what I mean. When I think of God I often do it in light of my understanding of His inclination toward me. It follows that if my perspective is off regarding His disposition towards me, then I’m off in what I presume about Him. And further, when I’m off in what I think of Him, then I misapprehend what He thinks about me.
This alternative perspective came to mind because fathoming what He thinks of me has been at the forefront of my own faith focus for some time. I had a large need to know, given that for me, believing the good news of the gospel did not automatically translate into understanding and experiencing His love. I suffered from what some have called an “orphan heart,” meaning I struggled to fathom His love, to latch onto it in terms of what it means as I’m living in relationship with Him. Not having the awareness that I was dearly loved, I couldn’t conjure up a sense of belonging. This manifested especially as suspicion or doubt about His disposition toward me, so I would unwittingly strive in order to establish some connection and gain a sense of His favor.
Since we think of the face when discerning someone’s disposition toward us, I wondered what I’d see on His metaphorical face. What would be in His eyes? How is He listening? What would be the tone of His voice? What would His demeanor tell me about His secret thoughts toward me?
I expected disappointment and displeasure…I often felt condemnation, and imagined it in all His countenance, His eyes, and in His voice.
But, gaze by gaze, something has changed…something is changing.
Believing and yielding to the truth of what He thinks of me has been life-altering. Surrendering to the truth that as His child I am dearly loved—His own, His beloved, cherished and precious in His sight, is reshaping me; to receive that I am treasured and He takes delight in me as a daughter of the King is regenerating me; He has chosen me, wooed me, tended me—I am banqueted! I claim these expressions from His word and hold them tightly (see the end of my post for references from His love letter).
He restores my soul as I confess with Him, “Lord, You do think of me, more thoughts than can be numbered! I am Your own workmanship, like a poem You’ve poured over or a masterpiece. You knew me before I was substance, and have intricately designed me, forming my inmost being. You see me and hear me, listening attentively and searching my heart and my thoughts. You desire my presence, Christ having made a way for me to be with You forever. There is no condemnation! You take delight in me and rejoice over me with loud singing! It’s Your desire that I know You, that I seek Your face” (more references below).
Though I once feared God’s favor was far-fetched and that it was presumptuous to think He looked on me with affection, He has convinced me there is more danger in underestimating His joy in me than in overestimating it. I say danger because many responses I’ve had to Him which were amiss had one thing in common—my lack of clarity and belief in what His gaze held for me. I want to fathom His thoughts because whatever it is He’s thinking, it’s true. I learn more of who I am and who I am becoming by studying how He sees me, for my identity is bound up in His gaze.
Our identity is bound up in His gaze.
Did healing from this orphan-like mindset begin when I embarked on a search to find out what He thinks of when He thinks of me? I believe it began when He gave me the desire to know what He thinks. This quest, my longing, was His gift of love.
Knowing more of His heart for me, I can now imagine He’s cheering me on—one of the ways the face of love manifests itself! I unwrapped His gift by seeking Him—seeking Him, directly in His word and letting Him speak intimately to me there. Bounded by His word, God has unveiled His love through other means—good books, wise counsel, writing, artful creativity, and the safe love of others. His Spirit wooing me, increasingly I’m allowing myself to be loved, acquiescing to His promise that it will never be removed. (Romans 8:35)
I look ahead, expecting to seek His face as my lifelong pursuit. Will you join me? Like pulling weeds, let’s fling aside all hindrances to see His gaze clearly and receive His unfailing love that’s like mercy flowing new every morning, or grace that arrives when its day comes.
Surrendering to these: Isaiah 43:1; Colossians 3:12; Song of Solomon 6:3; Ephesians 5:1, 29-30; 1 Peter 2:9; Isaiah 43:4; Psalm 18:19, 45:9; Ephesians 2:13; Psalm 23:5; Song of Solomon 2:4
Confessing these with Him: Psalm 34:15, 40:5, 139:1,13-16, 100:3; Ephesians 2:10; John 17:24, 3:16; Romans 8:1-2; Zephaniah 3:17; John 17:3; Psalm 27:8